Raining on mexican parades

Oh for crying out loud not again. Not another weekend watching the same thing. The sheer relentlessness of it. The sheer repetitiveness of it. The sheer dampness of the occasion. I’m not complaining about the fact that for the sixth bloody Test match in a row we’re playing New Zealand but the fact that for the third in a row we’re going to be watching it in shit weather. See, there are three things about watching cricket that make it so great. First up is the sport itself which is the main reason you are there. Secondly is the opportunity to have a beer or two with cricket-loving friends and thirdly is the chance to bask in a bit of sunshine. Take point three away and the beers don’t taste quite so nice and some of the fare served up this summer hasn’t really been enough to warm anyone up. I’m still counting down the hours though.

There is one thing that will piss me off more than the weather in Nottingham and that’s Mexican waves. Not withstanding the weather, the standard of the cricket or the taste of the beer, there is still never, ever a reason to do a Mexican wave. Let’s reiterate that. Never. Ever. Not even if someone said we’d win next year’s Ashes 5-0 if we do Mexican waves all the time. Not even if you got to sleep with Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley and Cameron Diaz at the same time. Not even if it meant you got to play for England. And not even if you got to play for England, score the winning century in that 5-0 win and THEN sleep with Natalie, Keira and Cameron all at the …. hang on a minute I need to have a word with myself here.

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No, I was right there’s still no excuse. Mexican waves were funny once – in 1986 during the Mexican World Cup from which they take their name. They are to crowd participation what Big Brother is to television – namely the end of civilisation as we know it. If you still think that watching people stand up and sit down in order is funny you really need to get out more and if you’re busy watching that working out when it’s your turn to stand up then you’re obviously not watching the cricket which, in case you hadn’t noticed, is what you are bloody there for.

The only excuse for standing up and sitting down in order is when it’s your round and the sooner people learn that the better. Glad I got that off my chest anyway. Speak soon.